Don’t you just hate it when you’re being completely oblivious to the outside world and you accidentally fall into an open manhole? You’re not alone.
A 15-year-old girl, Alexa Longueira, fell five feet into an open manhole while most likely sexting a friend, or even more likely sexting her teacher.
Longueira said, “Because of their careless mistake I got hurt.”
When confronted about the fact she simply wasn’t paying attention and it was her own damn fault , Longueira issued the following leap in logic: “Regardless of whether I’m texting or not if there was a cone there I’m going to see a big orange cone.”
Unfortunately, the reporter neglected to point out that she failed to see the gaping opening in the Earth’s crust, and that the hole itself was an “orange cone” from God saying to “Watch the fuck out, for my sake!”
You can enjoy this news piece, that isn’t news at all, below. Next time, I’ll cover the time I cut myself by walking barefoot, listening to my iPod, and not seeing the steak knife on the highway.
