Once upon a time, the Abominable snowman decided to leave the mountains of Tibet – something to do with Chinese soldiers, apparently – and head for the mountains of North America. When she got there, she found to her surprise the mountains were already occupied by a dusky male by the name of Bigfoot.
One thing led to another, and they soon found they needed to move to a larger cave. A few months later, their son Abfoot was born.
Handsome fellow, isn’t he?
Unfortunately, the combination of DNA from his parent meant that Abfoot’s fur wasn’t white (like his mother’s) or greyish brown (like his dad’s). Instead, it was a mixture of lush, verdant greens and mossy textures. Sadly, this meant that poor Abfoot found it difficult to live with either parent in the forests or on the snowy peaks, as he stood out a mile to anyone who cared to see.
After some years of desperate measures and attempted camouflage, Abfoot’s parents decided enough was enough. They knew what the terrain was like further from the mountains; full of precisely the right colours to prevent their soon from being seen.
So it was that, under cover of darkness, the family set out on the first and final trip they would ever make together. Weeks went by and after many near misses with humankind, they reached the Florida wetlands.
Up to this point, Abfoot hadn’t enjoyed the journey at all. It was out of his comfort zone and he knew he wasn’t going to see his parents any more. However, as he stepped into the marshes, he felt a great sense of belonging.
Behind him, unheeded and completely forgotten, his parents sighed sadly and began the long trek back to their mountain home.
This, then, is the origin of the Florida swamp-man.
Alternatively, I’ve just fed you a line of complete cack in order to point out that Amazon is now selling ghillie suits for young idiots to hide away in the shrubbery (Ni!)
Buy them HERE.
Cheers to Jay Sin fer this one.
